ObserAsian #4 Asians and Hair

Asians are known for a variety of physical traits from their flatter broader noses, shorter stature to this blog's inspiration, their eyes. One of the physical traits of Asians that is far less discussed is Asian hair. Asians have a very weird relationship with hair. Asian women are oft cited for having beautiful straight shiny and voluminous hair while Asian men are known for having thin hair wherever their genetics allow them to grow it. In short, Asians and specifically Asian men, really value their hair.

In fact you may have noticed the lack of arm and leg hair present on Asian men. Asian men throughout the years have devised two ways to cope with their lack of active hair follicles on their limbs. Asian men either embrace their lack of hair and cut their hair short to round out their look. We'll call this the minimalist approach. This is the approach that I take. For every bystander who asks us if we shave our legs or our arms we can just say, "well I don't have that much hair anyways," have them look at our shaved heads and nod in mutual understanding.

The other coping mechanism revolves around the overvaluation of hair and the we'll take it where we can get it approach. Asians value their hair and the ability to grow it immensely and have developed quite a culture surrounding hair. The placing of hair on the aesthetic pedestal leads to a variety of hairstyles that are unique to Asians. We will analyze these slightly more in depth.

1) The Dragonball Z Super Saiyan look. This is the simplest of excessive Asian hair growth. Modelling their hair after the popular animated anime series, the Dragonball Z look places emphasis on industrial strength hair gel, hair spray and jagged hair spikes. The fact that Asians equate long spiky hair with the ability to fly and shoot fireballs out of their hands just shows how much Asians truly value their hair. In fact just like the Dragonball Z series and the various levels of Super Saiyan, there are also levels of Asian Dragonball Z hairstyles.

Level 1 (Categorized by lack of hair products and emphasis on big vertical hair):

Level 2 (Categorized by use of hair products and the beginning formation of spikes):

Level 3 (Categorized by the use of hair products and hair dye. Also notice the increased jaggedness of the hair and anime qualities of the individual):

2) The well at least I can grow facial hair look. Asians are completely foreign to the five o'clock shadow. For Asian men, it might as well be the five day hiatus where hair does not even peer through their pores. Days and weeks can easily pass without the use of a razor. In fact the Gilette Mach 5 razor with its 5 blades would probably have enough blades per Asian facial hair. The Asian male who is able to truly grow facial hair is rare and probably Mongolian. There is a very slippery slope with Asians who are capable of growing facial hair; they either look like wise philosophers or creepy Asian men. There is no middle ground; you're either one or the other. Long Asian beards don the likes of renowned thinkers such as Confucius and Sun Tzu. Asian mustaches don the likes of these dudes:

Once again let's review. Asian beard = famed philosopher. Asian mustache = dirtiness.

3) The I know it looks stupid, but it's for good luck hair look. Asians know they cannot keep up with their American and Eastern European counterpart when it comes to growing hair. Asians instead choose to one up their counterparts by growing long strands of lucky hair, whether it be nose hair, ear hair, or the infamous mole hair. Since hair is so highly valued in Asian male society, the fact that hair can grow in such a concentrated area must mean that it is special and bestows good luck upon the hair bearer. When confronted about the sheer ridiculousness of this hair, the response is almost always, "well it's lucky."

4) The I know the only cool person to ever have this haircut in the history of mankind is Bruce Lee but I'm going to try it anyway bowl cut look. It is irrefutable that Bruce Lee is the man. His sheer awesomeness allowed him to overcome the indefensible Asian bowl cut. If you are not Bruce Lee, you should not have this hair cut. It is that simple. Even with the simplicity of this rule, Asians value having hair so much that they bite the bullet, and often. At one point in every Asian male's life they have had the Asian bowl cut.

Shout out to Beth for the inspiration.