ObserAsian #1 We Are Not All Ninjas

We are not all Ninjas. Just because there are a disproportionate number of Asians who want to be ninjas does not mean that we are in fact actually all ninjas. We would all love to be, but most of us just can't seem to satisfy the prerequisites of ninjadom:

1) Martial arts ability.

2) Ability to blend into shadowed areas.

3) Ability to throw projectile objects preferably ninja stars and darts.

4) Out of world flexibility and agility.

5) Understanding of unwritten ninja code.

6) Cool costume.

The G4 Network's hit TV show "Ninja Warrior" does very little to disprove the fact not all Asians are ninjas. The show's entire premise actually seems to revolve around a series of Asians trying to prove their ninja like qualities by going through a series of crazy concoctions that push human physical capabilities to the limit. I would like to call the show out however, because true ninjas would never show their faces in an intimate setting much less a nationally broadcasted television show that reaches millions of viewers. Talented acrobats? Yes. True ninjas? Not so much. Just because one is a superior physical specimen and can climb metal rods using nothing but upper body strength does not guarantee ninjadom. It is only part of the equation.

Outside of the physical requirements of being a ninja, there is also a level of sneakiness that is required in order to become a ninja. Unfortunately Asians have been unjustly accused of being sneaky for eons now. For some reason or another, many people perceive Asians to be a sneaky bunch and have done so since times of oral history. Perhaps it is because of this perceived sneakiness level that Asians are so often thought to be sneaky by day and ninjas by night.

As mentioned earlier, there are a lot of Asian people. Most of those Asian people live in the eastern hemisphere however, as less than five percent of the United States is comprised of Asians. This obviously lends itself to a few things: large concentrations of Asians are amassed on both coasts and in smaller clusters throughout the country in Asian communities among other larger communities and also means a lot of people grow up without much contact with Asian people. This lack of Asian contact coupled with the fact that Asians look quite distinct from our Anglo brethren naturally creates an aura of abstractness around Asians. This allows non Asians to view Asians as a very sneaky cohort despite contrarian evidence.

Let us examine some of the more high profile cases of Asians being perceived as sneaky:

Exhibit A: Fu-Manchu

Before the Fu Manchu was used to describe elaborate facial hair it was synonymous with evil criminal mastermind. Besides the blatant negative stereotypes and yellow face used in Fu Manchu's portrayal, Fu Manchu became the icon of yellow peril, or the fear that white people had of Asians. Now when I see images of Fu Manchu, there is only one thing that initially comes to mind. Of all the negative imagery and looks they could have used for an evil Asian, they had to choose such an obviously unrealistic image; Asians have a hard enough time growing facial hair, how do you expect them to grow such an elaborate mustache? This is probably also a bad test case because Fu Manchu was evil. Ninjas are honorable. Therfore being very sneaky is not enough to be a ninja.

Exhibit B: Japanese Internment Camps

One of America's greatest black eyes. Let's find all the Asian looking people and take them away from all of their possessions on short notice and place them in non voluntary confinement because they're clearly all the same and evil. $1.6 billion dollars and immeasurable negative P.R. later and you would have thought that America would have learned its lesson. Minus the whole this is a dark spot in American history thing, we all know that the ninjas would have escaped.

Nope because there is an Exhibit C: Dr. Wen Ho Lee

The doctor and professor at the University of California was accused and charged with 59 improprieties involving the illegal sharing of nuclear secrets with China. He was imprisoned for 9 months while the trial was being conducted. He was found to be innocent on 58 of the charges and the one charge he was found guilty on was labeled to be a giant misunderstanding. This was the closest the United States was able to identifying a potential ninja, but in all actuality it was a false alarm. And not to judge a book by its cover, but I'm assuming that Dr. Wen Ho Lee is not exactly a master acrobat. Just saying... Sneaky man? Yes. Ninja? Probably not

So in conclusion, being a ninja is a pretty tough thing to do, even if you're Asian. In fact after sifting through the evidence, the Asians who have the physical prowess to be ninjas are not sneaky enough, and the sneaky Asians are just not physically apt enough.

It ain't hard to be a pimp. It's hard to be a ninja.